Train of thought

Occasionally, I have to catch the train to university, either due to my car being unreliable or wanting to have a drink while I'm there. Hence, I have to catch the train. I don't mind catching the train, if I have my iPod with me then I usually enjoy the train ride, but as always, there's some things that rile me up.


Trains are quite expensive as it is. I paid £5.50 for a return, which I thought was slightly pricey, but got along with my day. The next day, I took the exact same train and was charged £2.20 more, because I was traveling at a 'peak time'. Seems a bit stupid that they can charge more just because of the time of the day, and I can assure you that the train was no busier than it was the previous day.


On top of this, I'm scared into buying the tickets by the warning signs saying that it is 'illegal to get on a train without a ticket'. Yet, nobody ever checks your ticket! On every other form of transport, your ticket is checked before you get on board, but on a train you are trusted with getting a ticket and hoping that someone comes and checks your ticket, otherwise you've just paid for a ticket that you could have not paid for. I mean, imagine if a plane operated in the same way as a train, and only checked your tickets while you were 10,000 feet up in the air?


Then there's the selfish people who sit on a table seat when there's only one of them. There is nothing special about a table seat, yet everybody rushes to them. Those seats are designed for those people who want to socialize with the people across from them, or those who have work to do. Yet, you ALWAYS see one old woman who runs down the train to get the table seat, and she's all alone reading knitting weekly, pondering over which thread to use this week in her quest to make a tea-cosy. I often race these old women to the table seats, just because I can, and they won't sit down next to me, the big scary teenager who is stereotypically going to stab them. 

Finally, this might only be with me, but there always seems to be that one crazy person on a train. You know the type, the one who's dressed as Santa or someone constantly banging their head against the window. They always seem to sit next to me. I don't know if I'm some sort of magnet to these people, or they see me as one of them, but it worries me. On no other forms of transport do you get such nutters as you do on a train. 


My next moan: Excess of emoticons

God speed

Having passed my driving test nearly nine months ago, I now feel experienced enough to offer my opinion on the nations driving. Nine months is nearly enough time to witness the blithering idiots that roam our roads every day. The main aspect of this moan, is speeding. Yet, I will bring in other arguments that get me riled up.

I understand speed limits. I understand why they exist. I understand that they save lives. Most of the time, I do adhere to speed limits, apart from when going with the flow of traffic. However, those who go significantly under the speed limit, pose just as much as a threat as those who blatantly break the limit. 


On my regular journeys to University, I drive on basically one road, all the way from Barnsley to Huddersfield. This road is set at the national speed limit of 60mph. However, I often get stuck behind some turtle doing 40mph. This means that, to actually get where I want to be, and not stuck behind this idiot, I have to knock on death's door and venture on to the other side of the road. You're all probably screaming at your computer screens by now, saying how I should just be patient and preaching the parable of the hare and the tortoise.


On the contrary, I'm very impatient. Despite only having a 1.1 litre engined car, I like to get places. I prefer to get to my destination as fast as possible, and cannot afford to be sat having tea and scones behind the idiot who's never heard of fifth gear. More often than not, if I'm stuck in traffic, I'll turn around and go a more far fetched route.


With this post, I am not condoning speeding. People just need to see that if the limit is 40, then you should be going 40, in my honest opinion. If you occasionally slip to 41 or 42, nobody is going to care. To be caught speeding and branded a speeding ticket you have to be doing significantly over the given speed limit, and you are allowed to 10% over the set limit. So don't be afraid to do 33 in a 30.


Ultimately i know that i'm still going to have overtake the snails on the road. However it would be interesting to note, how many accidents occur when one car is driving too slow, so another driver overtakes. It only takes somebody to come in the opposite direction, and it can end pretty nasty.


In retrospect, I know that you drive at a pace that you are comfortable at. Additionally, when driving in the dark, everyone drives a lot slower, or even in icy conditions. It will just always infuriate me when stuck behind a car who I know can go a lot faster than what they are doing.

My next moan: Train of thought

Piercing your future

We've all had that great idea. That great idea, that yes, i'll give in to the social stereotype of being different and abstract and get a piercing. I'll start off this moan by openly admitting that, a year or so ago, I got my ear pierced. I'm glad I did. It's a nice thing to have, and means that on a night out, I can put in a nice earring. It also meant that my parents were able to get me a relatively nice earring for my 17th birthday. Which I subsequently lost. But the point still stands.


However, what people don't seem to understand is that whatever you pierce, you're not just piercing that part of your body, but also your future. An ear piercing is acceptable. However, stretching your earlobes to the point where a small rodent can jump through them, no need. You're stuck with them for life, and no matter how 'cool' it is now, you're going to be the laughing stock of the nursing home one day. If i was more of a gutsy person, i'd run up to someone with ridiculously stretched earlobes, attach a padlock and then run for my life. 


It applies to every other piercing. The concealed ones, aren't as bad. Belly buttons and nipples are strange piercings to say the least, but at least they are covered. Examples of piercings which are going to affect your future include; nose, eyebrow and tongue.  How many managers do you see with the before piercings? 


Additionally, tattoos are great way to express yourself. Nothing says 'I'm committed more' than a personal etching on your skin for life. A tattoo sleeve though, despite it's apparent coolness, screams trouble to any interviewer. I myself, plan to get a tattoo when I'm a little older and wiser. My Dad recently got a tattoo expressing his love for his local football side. Tattoos aren't a bad thing. Too many tattoos, in the wrong place, can give a bad impression.


I'm not saying that if you've had your ears stretched or a tattoo sleeve that you're going nowhere in life. You are more than capable of proving me wrong and establishing yourself further up the job ladder. It's just social stereotypes dictate that the man with the bare skin and untouched ears will be better for the job. When it's the skills of the trade, not the ink on your skin or your earlobes touching the floor.


Just be wary. You might look cool and get the desired attention or the feeling of expressing yourself. But, it could well hinder your job opportunities. Which in turn, hinders your entire future.


My next moan: God speed

All work and no play, makes Christmas a dull time

This will surely be, my last moan about Christmas. I don't think I can actually get away with moaning anymore about it. That of course, until next year, and my blog will be shot into international stardom and I will be feeding blog posts to the millions. One can dream.


Onto the moaning. I have two friends, (staggering i know, considering how much moaning I do) who have jobs as waiters, at a pub and a restaurant. Both of these friends, had to do shifts on Christmas Day, which I find wrong. Christmas is a time where the family should be sat down sharing a mammoth bundle of turkey and sprouts. Instead, some waiters and waitresses are encouraged to work on Christmas Day. 


In my opinion, everywhere should be shut on Christmas Day. With the obvious exception of Hospitals and other emergency services buildings. The people who go out for a meal on Christmas Day, are downright inconsiderate and lazy. First off, you pay extortionate prices for the meal as you're making people work on a day they should be spending with their family. Secondly, surely you would prefer to spend Christmas in your own home, rather than having to get into the car and drive to the pub to have your dinner. Yes, it's nice to not have to worry about the cooking, but I'd be incredibly disappointed if I had to work on Christmas.


Ultimately I know that it's not the people who choose to book their meals, it's the restaurant owners themselves. They see the day as an opportunity to charge extortionate prices, and get away with it. 

In reality, I know that this moaning will not have any effect on how any pubs operate. This was a vent to get off my chest, how sorry I feel for those who are forced to work Christmas Day, when their work is not needed. If people were a little less selfish, everyone could spend Christmas with their friends and families.


My next moan: Piercing your future

Boxing day bargains

While most of you are celebrating the christmas festivities, I sit here moaning. Yes, I love christmas, it brings the family together and there is nothing I love more than spending time with my nearest and dearest. However, the hype around christmas is unreal. We are pressured each year into getting the new must have gadget which more often than not, the Nutt family end up purchasing. Only for it to be reduced to half price in the christmas sales. 


Think of how much money would be saved, if we all celebrated christmas a week later? Buy all your presents in the christmas sale and just pretend it's christmas a week or so later.


I've become somewhat the wise 'christmasser' and ask for hardly anything for Christmas, get given money, then today I shall hit town and buy everything that I want, at a much cheaper price than it was before Christmas. 


I know it's a bit late for you now, but just think next year. You may not want to open few presents on Christmas day, but i'm just one of those people who love to splash the cash. Saving money while I do it, is a nice Brucey bonus. Christmas for me, starts today.


Hope you all had a very festive Christmas and got everything you wanted, and if not, go buy it in the Christmas sales. Sorry for the shortness of the post, but surely you can understand the circumstances with my post falling on Boxing Day! 


My next moan: All work and no play, makes Christmas a dull time

Everything wrong with music concerts

Being quite the avid music fan, a very passionate listener of the indie genre, I am often presented with the opportunity to go see a band in the live format. Nothing compares to seeing a band you have listened to for many years, then to see them perform when they are in their element. However, the concert scene is really starting to drain on me.


I originally planned this post after watching The Vaccines at Sheffield o2 academy but decided to delay it until I saw Kasabian at Sheffield Motorpoint Arena. Kasabian weren't as bad as The Vaccines, in terms of idiots, but I still have sufficient points to provide you with a length post, that happened at both concerts.


I wasn't in a good mood during The Vaccines concert, due to having my phone pick pocketed. It ruined the rest of the evening. The number of people looking for phones on the floor at the end, was substantial evidence to show that there were pick pocketers at work. It wasn't just me who had their phone stolen, but it's still pretty annoying that some idiots are more bothered about making money and ruining other peoples nights. This then meant that I had no way in getting touch with anybody, so just had to trudge home in a miserable and foul mood.


Then there's the toilet avoiders. Those who decide to p*ss in a cup and throw it, because didn't you know? That is hilarious. I hope my sarcasm transcribed then. We were a few songs into Kasabian and one of my friends got hit on the back with a cup of liquid. The rule: If it's warm, it's p*ss. If it's cold, it's beer. It was warm. We all had a little chuckle to ourselves, and in true comedic timing, I got a cup to the back of the head. It was warm. I didn't let it ruin my night, I got on with it. Yet, it's still pretty annoying and i'd love to have enjoyed the rest of the concert without reeking of urine. We then jokingly said that we should sh*t in my hat and throw it. It's the same principle at the end of the day, but we decided better of it.

Then there are the people, who try in vain to get a good photo of the main protagonist on stage. I don't mind people taking photos of the set before the band have started. But, trying to jump up and down and take a photo is never going to work. Plus, I end up being the person stuck behind them, having to watch some of the concert through a cameras interpretation. The funniest example that I have yet to find is the picture at the side where somebody actually took their iPad to a concert.


Then finally, this one is less occurring, in contrast to my previous points. However, at Kasabian, I was stood next to this man who was unbelievably sweaty. The amount of sweat was inconceivable considering that he only had a t-shirt on, and it wasn't that warm. I actually started to wonder if he had a medical condition, and it wouldn't have surprised me if their was a puddle at his feet. Anyway, my annoyance was that during the encore where Kasabian played, Vlad The Impaler and Fire, Sergio Pizzorno kindly said 'I wanna see every f*cker jumping!'. So everybody did, and i'll openly admit that it was one of the most awesome things that has ever happened in my life. However. I was still stood next to this massive sweat ball. He resembled a wet dog, trying to dry their fur, as he jumped around madly everywhere. 


The above points will not deter me from attending music concerts. I will be attending Snow Patrol in February and Noah and the Whale in March and i'm sure i'll enjoy them just as much as other concerts. But theres still the little idiots that attend who deserve to sit on a pine-cone.

PS. Have a Merry Christmas Moaners!

My next moan: Boxing day bargains

Frantic shopping

As i ply my trade as a part-time fishmonger for a large supermarket chain, to put myself through university, I observe shoppers going mental. Especially around the festive season. I'll make sure to make a moan about how everything is reduced in the Christmas sales. Now, as i prepare myself for a nine hour shift on Christmas eve, i expect a ridiculous shift where i'll do nothing but serve the mad rushers, who decided to leave their christmas shopping until the penultimate minute. It's Christmas Eve, and i'd prefer to be sat at home, hyping myself up for Christmas Day, rather than working. If one customer complains to me about how cold the weather is, I'll probably scream 'go home then!'.

We as a nation, are constantly bombarded with the essential 'must have' for christmas, or the perfect 'stocking filler', just to pressure us into buying items. We as a nation, comply. The whole notion of Christmas cards is now lost on me. So much so, that my Mum now buys my cards to send out, and all I have to do is sign my name at the bottom. Let's face it though, they're all getting recycled in a week.  


I hate shopping. With a passion. I prefer shopping with a girl as they have unlimited amounts of patience, contrast to me who gives up after the first store. However, you people don't exactly make the shopping life easy. One such woman once overtook me, as if to say I was walking too slow, I am anything but a slow walker. I can't stand dawdling, and if I have somewhere to be, I get my Go-Go boots on. This woman, overtook me, only for her then to slow down in front of me to window shop. Had i not been paying attention, I could have walked straight into the back of her.


Then there's those people who decide to shop and spend most of the time looking at their phones. Somehow, you're in the wrong if you walk into them, even though they have no idea of where they are walking. The word idiot doesn't begin to describe them.


Additionally, you can't walk into a shop and have a browse anymore. As soon as you walk through the door you are pounced on by the nearest teenage sales assistant who is asking you if you're alright and if you need any help. If i need the help or to tell you that I am alright, then i'll come find you. Until then, sit in a corner and twiddle your thumbs.


Then there's the shopping jousting. The little game I play with myself where you target a fellow shopper who is walking straight towards you. Those who swagger along, thinking they own the shop, and aren't moving out of the way for nobody. The game, whoever moves, loses. You etch ever closer to the person, until they finally move slightly, thus avoiding you. I've had numerous collisions with shopping jousting, but it does make life a lot more fun.


When shopping for a special occasion, or at any time. Ask yourself the question: Do I really need this? or Would they really like that? Every year I get a box of Walnut Whips from a great. Each year they get thrown out. I know it's about the gesture and the thought behind the present itself, but finding that something the person likes, is of the upmost importance. Just think when you go shopping. Try to stay out of others way, and try to go along with the shopping flow. Don't go too fast when walking, don't go too slow, otherwise you might find me elbowing you in the back of the head. 


My next moan: Everything wrong with music concerts

Naming and shaming

If I was a cruel man, and I married a woman with a similar cruel sense of humour, I could easily make my child's life a misery. No, i'm not talking about torture or anything of the sort. But if I really, (really) wanted to, I could name my daughter 'Hazel'. The endless amounts of ridicule that she would suffer throughout life is not worth thinking about. Similarly, if I had a son, the temptation to call him 'Kevin Peter', just for the unfortunate initials to go with my peculiar last name. Sure, it would be funny to start with, but you have to think about it in the long run. Numerous times i've sat down and just brainstormed ideas that would be positively evil, but obviously the ideas of 'Chess' 'Coco' and 'Ella' are just jokes that I would never consider doing (If you're wondering why Ella is so funny, just think if Ella Nutt had official documents, where they print your surname first. Yes, I have thought about this. A lot).


Anyway, i have a heart. I know that I have a peculiar last name, that is probably going to get a substantial amount of mockery from anyway. The least I can do, is give him/her a normal first name, just as my parents decided to do with me.


Most young mothers nowadays, and it is the young mothers, think that their child is unique and special so must give them a unique and special name. I grew up with friends such as Sam, Jordan, Daniel, Connor, Liam, and so on and so forth. Children now are growing up with friends Felix, Cruz, Romeo, Logan and Hunter.


Celebrities are a very strong influence towards naming of the children. Bookies go crazy when they learn of a celebrity being pregnant and offer odds for every single name under the sun, however, never really come close. One recently, Wayne Rooney's son Kai was offered at odds of 1000/1, however nobody in the UK successfuly predicted the name. However, you can bet that the name Kai has become a lot more popular due to the Rooney's. Much similar to the Beckham's will have increased the popularity of Cruz, Brooklyn, Romeo and more recently Harper. The media subject us to this hype about the naming of a child, so the easily influenced mother somehow think that they if they name their child Harper, they will somehow become Victoria Beckham. Well, that's how i see it anyway.


The harsh reality is, a name can really have a bearing on how well you do in life and can even have an impact on what job you take. For instance, Sam can't become a Fireman, Robert can't be a builder and Patrick can't be a postman without enduring constant jibes and elbows in the ribs. Imagine sitting in an interview, only to introduce yourself and the interviewer sniggering at the name your mother and father cursed you with.

Registrations of births in England and Wales are made under the Births and Deaths Registration Act 1953 and the Registration of Births and Deaths Regulations 1987. The legislation does not set out any guidance on what parents may name their child.

So, thanks to legislation, you can call your child whatever comes to mind. It doesn't have to make sense, can have no vowels or just been down right stupid, nothing is stopping you. So, I will leave you with a list of my internet pickings of the most ridiculous names that children have been blessed with.

• Santa Claus
• Koriander
• They
• Bean
• As-Matik
• Dwarf
• GQ
• Confession
• Bear
• Knight Sir Lancelot
• Stalin
• Unique
• Beautiphul
• Dynasty
• He
• Precious Angel
• Virgin
• Wednesday
• Badger
• Abcde

Some people should not be allowed to breed. I hope that the list above provided you with as many laughs as it did with me and feel free to explore and devour the internet for more ridiculous and outrageous naming choices. They'll be a lot more out there, i'm sure. 

My next moan: Frantic Shopping

Txt tlk, nd its damage 2 society

My first moan of hopefully many more moans to come, is that of the english language and those who actively choose to disregard it and concoct their own language. Okay, maybe a bit over exaggerated as it is still readable, but text talk is a fast growing phenomenon that is slowly killing the english language. I find myself questioning if they are actually putting effort into typing and spelling things incorrectly, or the absurd thought that it comes naturally.

If you are of a social group in that you have never stumbled across this curiosity, then allow me to clarify. Text talk is the shortening of words, or the changing of words, to relay a message faster. So instead of typing 'you', you'd just type the letter 'U' and you save yourself the monumental time consuming task of hitting those two extra buttons of 'Y' and 'O'. Too becomes 2. With becomes wiv. Message becomes msg. So on and so forth. Combining all these text shortenings, amounts to a message that is not legible, and I have to pull out the drawing board to try and decipher the message.

Ever since I was little, I’ve been good at spelling. It annoys me if I were ever to not be able to spell a word, and practically growing up on a computer, spell-checker often helped me to learn these spellings so I wouldn’t be wrong again. If you ever find an incorrectly spelled word in one of my blog postings, I will treat you to a chocolate bar of your choice. Wherever in the world you live, I will send it to you. Back to topic, spelling is now bypassed by text talk (or should i say ‘txt tlk’) and it’s worrying to think that children are being brought up around such a travesty. I remember when I was little, my mother stressed the upmost importance of speaking and writing correctly and that one time she even made me rub out the tittle atop of an I when I made it into a smiley face, and made me do it again. 

I know that I shouldn’t do this, but I actually take more of a liking towards someone if they spell and talk comprehensibly. We are the generation that was brought up to social networking, so a lot of conversations with my fellow peers often take place online. However, if a person types correctly, that to me, is the basis for a good friendship. Opposed to those who pop up on chat, saying ‘eyup kid, wt u duin?’, who never get much of a reply. I do have friends who talk in the text format, but the majority of my close friends speak the proper english language. Writing ‘lyk dis’ doesn’t give you much credibility in the world. Take the extra few seconds to write ‘like this’ and you may be taken more seriously. Maybe, just maybe, we can save mankind.


My next moan: Naming and Shaming.