Naming and shaming

If I was a cruel man, and I married a woman with a similar cruel sense of humour, I could easily make my child's life a misery. No, i'm not talking about torture or anything of the sort. But if I really, (really) wanted to, I could name my daughter 'Hazel'. The endless amounts of ridicule that she would suffer throughout life is not worth thinking about. Similarly, if I had a son, the temptation to call him 'Kevin Peter', just for the unfortunate initials to go with my peculiar last name. Sure, it would be funny to start with, but you have to think about it in the long run. Numerous times i've sat down and just brainstormed ideas that would be positively evil, but obviously the ideas of 'Chess' 'Coco' and 'Ella' are just jokes that I would never consider doing (If you're wondering why Ella is so funny, just think if Ella Nutt had official documents, where they print your surname first. Yes, I have thought about this. A lot).


Anyway, i have a heart. I know that I have a peculiar last name, that is probably going to get a substantial amount of mockery from anyway. The least I can do, is give him/her a normal first name, just as my parents decided to do with me.


Most young mothers nowadays, and it is the young mothers, think that their child is unique and special so must give them a unique and special name. I grew up with friends such as Sam, Jordan, Daniel, Connor, Liam, and so on and so forth. Children now are growing up with friends Felix, Cruz, Romeo, Logan and Hunter.


Celebrities are a very strong influence towards naming of the children. Bookies go crazy when they learn of a celebrity being pregnant and offer odds for every single name under the sun, however, never really come close. One recently, Wayne Rooney's son Kai was offered at odds of 1000/1, however nobody in the UK successfuly predicted the name. However, you can bet that the name Kai has become a lot more popular due to the Rooney's. Much similar to the Beckham's will have increased the popularity of Cruz, Brooklyn, Romeo and more recently Harper. The media subject us to this hype about the naming of a child, so the easily influenced mother somehow think that they if they name their child Harper, they will somehow become Victoria Beckham. Well, that's how i see it anyway.


The harsh reality is, a name can really have a bearing on how well you do in life and can even have an impact on what job you take. For instance, Sam can't become a Fireman, Robert can't be a builder and Patrick can't be a postman without enduring constant jibes and elbows in the ribs. Imagine sitting in an interview, only to introduce yourself and the interviewer sniggering at the name your mother and father cursed you with.

Registrations of births in England and Wales are made under the Births and Deaths Registration Act 1953 and the Registration of Births and Deaths Regulations 1987. The legislation does not set out any guidance on what parents may name their child.

So, thanks to legislation, you can call your child whatever comes to mind. It doesn't have to make sense, can have no vowels or just been down right stupid, nothing is stopping you. So, I will leave you with a list of my internet pickings of the most ridiculous names that children have been blessed with.

• Santa Claus
• Koriander
• They
• Bean
• As-Matik
• Dwarf
• GQ
• Confession
• Bear
• Knight Sir Lancelot
• Stalin
• Unique
• Beautiphul
• Dynasty
• He
• Precious Angel
• Virgin
• Wednesday
• Badger
• Abcde

Some people should not be allowed to breed. I hope that the list above provided you with as many laughs as it did with me and feel free to explore and devour the internet for more ridiculous and outrageous naming choices. They'll be a lot more out there, i'm sure. 

My next moan: Frantic Shopping